In talking to two of my classmates about life today, I discovered that it’s not just me: My peers want (some areas of) their lives to be settled too.

I don’t write about romance & related topics on here very often (never before today actually), but I want to note two things:

1. The idea of ’settling down’ in the manner typical of most of the world (i.e. marriage) is not my ideal.
2. However, there are some things I like about that idea that I’d appreciate having now.

Chief of these is the stability involved, the certainty (or illusion of it, perhaps), knowing - as Will put it - that one area of my life is sorted.

Reflections: Happy with (some) uncertainty

I’m happy to spend the rest of my life deciding what to do with it. (I think very few people share this feeling). However, I’d really appreciate having something reliable somewhere in my life. In the past this was a role imperfectly played by a best friend figure. I say imperfectly because, blessedly, I never managed to completely rely on anyone - just as well, otherwise it would be much harder to adjust now.

For a variety of reasons, it’s untenable for anyone to hold that position now. For example, not having the benefit of an institution where I, along with my friends, must spend over seven hours of each weekday in one place means I just don’t see any one person nearly as often as I used to see school friends. (Incidentally, this is what I’ve found is the hardest thing to adjust to socially since leaving school; 4.5 years on I’m still adjusting to it).

All of this leads me to believe something you may have anticipated already: The only person you can truly rely on is you. This needn’t be distressing or depressing, because you’re always with yourself, you can’t let yourself down by not turning up, for example. It probably means you need to get to know yourself better though. I’m sure this is true of myself, even though I know myself well, after all, there’s that picture of the self where 90% of ourselves is unknown to us.

I find that the challenge is knowing I’m becoming myself, accepting that with good grace and yet still being happy to rely on myself, even though I’m ‘in transit’, so to speak. On with the practical advice!

Solutions: How to feel sorted; what works for me

I’m not always happy.

Many people ask me, perplexed, ‘How come you’re always happy?!’ I’m not. However, I do have a very strong belief that I can make myself happy, so I’m (almost) always happy or in the process of making myself happy. I’m currently writing an entry ‘How to be happy’ in which I give practical advice based on my personal experiences, look out for it this Saturday.

The reason I’m happy with taking my time to work out my life’s purpose is because I have some pretty clear ideas about how I might do that. I’m answering the question ‘What shall I do?’ as I move through life, I don’t feel the need to answer it definitively, once and for all at one point in my life (e.g. now).

So, here’s what works for me: Knowing what my purpose is or, rather, working on finding out & creating it. Steve Pavlina has some excellent ideas on how to do this, I particularly recommend you listen to his podcast: #015 - What Is Your Purpose?

Dedication: Rachel, thank you for inspiring this entry.