Know thyself, or Overcoming my shyness, you can do it too
Monday, 30 October 2006 @ 11:57pm by Kathleen Bright
On a related note, I've completely re-written my About page – spent the best part of my weekend doing that and I'm really happy with the result. I've added pictures, more information and a much improved structure. Do let me know what you think.
Self-knowledge
I've always valued self-awareness. Lately I haven't been doing a very good job of knowing myself, although I still valued self-knowledge highly as was evident from my lauding personal development so much.
However, today marks a return to my enviably high self-awareness, as well as offering insight in to what happened to make it disappear. In essence, my character has changed markedly, which meant that my self-knowledge no longer reflected my self, leading to much confusion. The biggest change was my conversion from shyness, which has been the catalyst for a host of personality and practical changes in my life.
I realised that I'd been identifying as someone who draws energy from being alone, due to avoiding other people, due to being shy. I'm no longer shy and, now that I realise that, I can finally identify as someone who draws energy from others, who develops ideas by brainstorming and discussing things. I had a 'Eureka!' moment about this today, whilst at KCL Enterprises, thinking about the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. (Previously I'd thought I was an INFP/INFJ, but I'm now sure I'm an ENFP).
Shyness
Shyness is a feeling of insecurity and awkwardness that certain people experience while being among others, talking with others, asking favors of others, etc.
When I stopped being shy, and how; plus 3 lessons to help you too
I actually don't know the precise details of how and when I stopped being shy. I've self-identified as shy for so long that it's really hard to realise I'm not shy any more – I have to make a conscious effort to remember!
One of the things that helped me to be less shy was acting confident. For example, working in retail means I have to interact with the public. I used to hate talking on the telephone, so I avoided answering it at work, but there's only so long you can go on doing that. Over time, I got used to answering it and then moved on to initiating phone calls voluntarily and even willingly.
The first lesson is that acting confident can help you actually become confident.
Over the last two years, I've spent a lot of time with Ian, which has built up my self-confidence no end, because he's so lovely to me. This definitely contributed significantly to my overcoming my shyness.
The second lesson: Self-confidence is a crucial factor in overcoming shyness.
One of my uni mates asked me how one can gain (increased) self-confidence, spending time with people who really appreciate you will do wonders. Once your confidence starts increasing generally, you'll be able to increase your self-confidence with next to no effort because it will be natural for you to think of yourself in positive terms.
The third lesson: Seek out positive, nice people (like me!); they'll be happy to have more friends too, so it's mutually-beneficial.
Read & reflect on some of the things others have written about shyness too.
Helpful sites for shy people
- What Is Shyness?
"Shyness means to feel a little scared when you're around other people" - Shy and Free
Personal growth site dedicated to transforming shyness into wholeness and happiness - Shykids.com
"The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid" Claudia "Lady Bird" Johnson - INFJ or INFP? A Closer Look (Update: Link added 21 Nov 2006)
"Introverting" and "extroverting"… We all do both." How do you work out which you are? Read on to find out. - How to Go From Introvert to Extrovert (Update: Link added 21 Nov 2006)
Steve Pavlina used to be introverted too: "In order to become an extrovert, I found that I had to overcome several blocks to being more extroverted." Read on to find out how, and how to balance the two.
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8 responses to “Know thyself, or Overcoming my shyness, you can do it too”
References: Trackbacks & pingbacks
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[...] I already know that I'm only procrastinating out of fear and that the best way for me to conquer my fears of doing stuff is to do it anyway. (See also, James Brausch's excellent article about how many different problems are actually the same problem: fear) [...]
Power of three: Goal-setting: Business (3 of 3) : All Things Bright by Kathleen Bright :: Monday, 18 December 2006 @ 12:23am
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[...] I need to remember what energises me when it comes to studying. (It's something I forget often because it changed relatively recently. See Know thyself, or Overcoming my shyness, you can do it too). I used to feel energised by introspection. However, more recently I feel invigorated by classes and bouncing ideas off people. So I need to remember to engage in discussion more, attend optional lectures, write about what I think etc. [...]
Make More Mistakes - » Being tempted to quit my education early :: Friday, 12 January 2007 @ 10:25pm
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[...] Escape from Cubicle Nation: Stop playing small (podcast): As I've said before, it's about acting more confidant until you feel more confidant. You don't have to be shy anymore. [...]
Facing fears : All Things Bright by Kathleen Bright :: Sunday, 4 February 2007 @ 12:29am
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[...] if you don't! I recommend you thoroughly check this possibility out using the tools I list above. Here's a blog entry from one ENFP who seems to have sorted herself out and shares some advice for ot… (Hmmm, parenting from her introverted Feeling [...]
Need help typing myself (XXFP?) - PersonalityCafe :: Tuesday, 1 December 2009 @ 4:19pm
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You might care to look at this page on my site:
http://members.aol.com/macvjv/docs/IntrovertExtravert.htm
I would welcome your feedback.
Thanks!
-Vicky Jo
Firstly, I'd say that I really like the new About page; it's great to have more information there.
As for the shyness and overcoming it, I totally agree with you about acting confidently; even on those occasions (rare!) that I've felt shy about something, if I act as I would if I weren't shy, not only does it work for that occasion, but it also lasts longer.
A few years ago, I used to have panic attacks when the thought of going out to meet someone came up, even friends that I'd known for years. I stopped that by forcing myself to go, and acting confident when I was there. It was hard to go, but afterwards I was always glad I did.
Ian
P.S. Vicky Jo, that's a really interesting page. I thought it contained a wonderful insight that I hadn't been able to put into words myself, about Introverts needing reassurance in the outside world. I am fascinated by the accuracy of this particular personality test, I must admit.
Vicky Jo, thanks for commenting and for linking to my All Things Bright entry; much appreciated.
I thought your page was a very insightful account, with lots of useful detail. ENFPs as 'shy extroverts' particularly struck a cord with me, as there are some situations in which I do still feel shy.
Am exploring more of your site now; thanks for the link!
Kx
Yeah I am ENFP and can be very shy. It is hard. I like people a lot and am very friendly but I feel so shy sometimes!