How to be happy

Lots of people ask me how to be happy. Some directly, for example, many All Things Bright readers. Some indirectly, for example, my friends & co-workers ask me how it is I'm always happy. Incidentally, I'm not always happy; I am human after all. :)

As far as I can recall, I first came to the belief that it's possible to make oneself happy when I read that in addition to being an expression of happiness,  the physical act of smiling tends to make you feel happier too. I experimented with it a little and it worked. I have no idea where I first read this, but something like this:

We've talked before about how scientists know that smiling produces physiological changes in your body. And thanks to mirror neurons, we know that seeing someone else smile or laugh can trigger the same neurons reponsible for making us smile.

Creating Passionate Users: Who'd you make smile today?

7 steps to happiness

1. Decide to be happy
2. Listen to music
3. Say thank you
4. Be healthy
5. Get inspired, creative and passionate
6. Do what you like
7. Discover (or create) your purpose

Plus, Realise when you don't want to be happy

1. Decide to be happy

I've read lots of articles about how to be happy. When I was feeling particularly down I sought out relevant articles and used what I found to write one myself: How to be happy, or Why you're sad and how to fix it.

Steve Pavlina's tips on becoming more confident work for becoming happier too. (For example, I use music a lot to make myself happy). I think this is because happiness and self-confidence are inter-related. If you're self-confident, you're happy to be you. So, increasing your confidence will increase your happiness too. See StevePavlina.com Podcast #012 - Building Confidence.

Creating Passionate Users: Angry/negative people can be bad for your brain: In this controversial post Kathy discusses the facts about happiness. What you choose to do with that information is up to you. Actually, it's not controversial, just had some bad reception, especially from people who didn't read it very carefully.

2. Listen to music

I have a 'feel good: happy' playlist, which won't be very helpful for you unless you already own that music or are willing to spend money on it. So, I'm offering £5 of iTunes credit to the first person who asks for it in a comment to this entry, that will at least get you started.

In addition, I really want to know if you create or know of free & legal 'happy' music and where I can get it. Unique marketing opportunity, so do let me know! I'm interested in uplifting music, upbeat tunes, happy & inspirational lyrics… that sort of thing, humorous ones too. Please get in touch.

My 'feel good: happy' playlist

I have three 'feel good' playlists: energy, happy and inspire.

Energy: For when I need/want to stop procrastinating and just get on with it. The best track is Disturbed: Liberate, which is a hard-hitting rock/metal tune, with strong beats and baseline.

Happy: For when I'm feeling a bit down or mopey. Lots of cheesy pop tunes here. The best track is Suzanne Vega: Book of Dreams, which is really light & upbeat.

Inspire: For when I need/want more confidence. There are some really thoughtful songs in there too, to remind myself about how beautiful the world is, how brilliant human beings are, the strength of potential, things like that. The best tracks are R. Kelly: The World's Greatest, real ego booster! Christina Aguilera: I Will Be, which is about being strong & independent and Twista ft Faith Evans: Hope, which is really sweet, it has some sad themes but the triumph of the human spirit really makes me smile.

3. Say thank you

Kathy Sierra calls it a 'smile journal':

Try to write down every little thing that caused you to smile when you interacted with a product or service or person, and look for a pattern (or at least some ideas you can use)… If the notebook is nearly blank at the end of two weeks, time to rent some Monty Python.

Creating Passionate Users: Who'd you make smile today?

Being optimistic helps you to be happy and saying thank you helps you to be optimistic.

4. Be healthy

I've written about this a lot recently, especially in Power of three: Goal-setting: Health (1 of 3)

Mind Petals: A Healthy Entrepreneur Is A Wealthy Entrepreneur David Askaripour wrote this with entrepreneurs in mind, I think because we're more likely to let our health suffer, but it's relevant for everyone: If you want to be successful, you need to be healthy. (Incidentally, I disagree with his definitions: I agree that true wealth is about more than money, but I think happiness is a better word for 'having it all', because I associate happiness with more than 'just' pleasure. Hedonism is not happiness. Never mind, the language doesn't really matter: He calls it wealth; I call it happiness).

5. Get inspired, creative and passionate

I've no idea how much this will be true for other people, but I will abstract as much as I can: I identify as a creative and I really value creativity, so feeling inspired and creative infuses my perception of myself with happy feelings of confidence, self-worth and such.

What are your passions? What do you value? Do you know? If you don't, focus on finding out. If you do, nurture these in yourself.

See: eMoms at Home: Why do Entrepreneurs Need Inspiration?

6. Do what you like

I love singing & dancing. I can't do either well, but that's okay. I love spending time with my friends too. I love feeling productive. I love helping people to be happy. What do you love doing?

7. Discover (or create) your purpose

Get started with this excellent article by Alvin Soon: Life Coaches Blog: Start Your New Year In The Best Direction. Then continue with anything and everything by Steve Pavlina; slightly tongue-in-cheek, but I do find him very helpful; try his podcast #015 - What Is Your Purpose? which I recommended in my last entry too: Stability, security, sortedness: How to feel certain, or How to be okay with uncertainty

Bonus: Realise when you don't want to be happy

Sometimes I don't feel like cheering up. Sometimes I just want to mope. Sometimes I don't want to be happy.

Usually when that happens I'll listen to my 'sad' playlist (mostly schmoopy lovesongs, e.g. Easther Bennett: First Time Ever I Saw Your Face) to get it out of my system or I'll get away from myself for a little while, e.g. by sleeping. (Chris Hamilton has some more suggestions for how to get away from yourself, read his excellent book, Living Philosophy).

It's okay not to be happy all the time, the important thing is to be happy when you want to be happy.

I really hope this entry helps you; please let me know how you get on.

Related posts:

1. How to be happy, or Why you're sad and how to fix it In this entry, I'm exploring why I'm sad, how to...
2. Stability, security, sortedness: How to feel certain, or How to be okay with uncertainty In talking to two of my classmates about life today,...
3. Happiness is the opposite of fear, my breakthrough realisation The opposite of happiness is fear. Fear indicates you've made...
4. Know thyself, or Overcoming my shyness, you can do it too On a related note, I've completely re-written my About page...
5. Power of three: Goal-setting: Health (1 of 3) In a recent post, I discussed the things I've realised...

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